Executive Speech Writing: Corporate, Celebrity, Fundraisers

Monday, June 22, 2015

LeBron James Nike Plain Dealer Ad

NIKE and the Cleveland Plain Dealer took out an ad in their newspaper. You can read the text below, but you know what, Michael Jordan got it done. I like the ad, but we had the 90s Bulls. We just did it.

Imagine if Lebron came home to Cleveland.

Imagine if the team struggled early but finished the regular season strong.

Imagine if their big man went down, but they still found a way to power through the Eastern Conference.

Imagine if they faced the top seed in the Finals.

Imagine if they pushed Game 1 to overtime but lost another star to injury.

Imagine if everyone counted them out.

Imagine if they shocked the world and took the next two games.

Imagine if fatigue caught up with them, and they lost Games 4 and 5.

Imagine if they defied odds, logic and the basketball gods to come back and win the series in 7.

Except this isn't Hollywood. It's Cleveland.

Nothing is given. Everything is earned.

Just do it.

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Blago's Bad Day

They sentenced him to 14 years. Now, to work on real crime.

Funny: http://senateseatsforsale.blogspot.com

Friday, December 2, 2011

Rant Rant Rant

What's in a rant? I can't tell you. All I know is there are more ranters than solvers.

I am tired of do-good sign holders telling me how awful the world is. Fix it. You have carried your sign, now go fix it. Or shut up.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Oprah, JR, M.A.S.H., Superbowl - So What?

Oprah's TV show is ending. JR was shot. The Korean War ended and Hawkeye went home. The Superbowl will come again in 2012.

Big deal. I still see a homeless guy walking by my corner in these windy, cold May days in Chicago.

Some silliness revealed. Oprah's Last Show: Rumors We Will Not Hear

Friday, May 13, 2011

Monday, May 2, 2011

NY Firemen Learn Osama bin Laden is Dead Picture

That's the famous picture from the New York Times. A bunch of guys cheering that the USA killed a man in Pakistan. There's Stassi in the middke doing a mix of Richard Nixon and Fonzie, with Wilson, McLeod, Pelosi, Hickey and some other guys trying to figure out what this means.

Nobody knows what it means, and lemme tell you I don't know either.

I do know Osama bin Laden was a rich brat who used a bunch of kids and dopey lackeys to kill Americans. He was loaded with western money living in the Middle East, blaming America for whatever his therapist told him. Who knows?

Now by this time, his death is symbollic. Barack Obama gets to finish what George W. Bush started and this kind of puts them on the same playing field. Nobody is saying these two men agree on much, but they do agree that terrorism from Islam's extreme side is bad and needs to be taken down. I don't know what the right thing to do is, but this could be a big thing, or just another dead Islamic leader.

Meanwhile in my fair city, Mayor-elect and famous potty-mouth Rahm Emanuel has got himself a new top cop. Newark Police Chief Garry McCarthy will replace Police Supt. Jody Weis. Weis did pretty good. Let's see how it goes.

Read some thoughts on bin Laden's death, including a funny story about Area 51.

Monday, April 4, 2011

Charlie Sheen in Chicago

Charlie Sheen - Duh Losing Die Cut Vinyl Decal Sticker 6" WhiteI didn't go see Charlie Sheen. That's something people with money do. No sirree. I got better things to do with my time and my money than to watch some whiny rich boy howl around about why he hired whores.

Why, you ask? Because he was rich and ran out of things to spend his money on. I bet ol' Charlie would waste his money on a hooker before he bothered to throw it away at some two-bit Hollywood prima donna's cheap excuse of a show.

But that's Charlie Sheen for you and, that's all you chumps forking out $80 for his whore fund.
That brings me to another point. Yeah, we've got unemployment. Chicago is turning into another political and financial cesspool like Detroit. I get it. And you aren't buying my stinking newspapers either. So quit griping about the economy.
If you have $80 in hooker money (you know Charlie loves 'em) or cocaine money (I hope not), then you got more money than you need. So shut up.

Yeah, I'm angry.

Go ahead and laugh it him, but don't waste you hard earned cash. Buy a newspaper instead (get the Tribune daily n Kindle for $9.99) Chicago Tribune
Five Ways to Fix Charlie Sheen's Live Tour (stupid tips)
Songify This: Winning - a Song by Charlie Sheen (funny video)

Monday, March 21, 2011

Hookups in the 10s

This University of Chicago website shows us what evolution has come to.


Plain and simple: students who don't mind having sex with other students they don't know hook up here.

Previously, this was a CraigsList.org kind of thing.

Or hookers on some tawdry corner.

Or a bar floosy and disease riddled man swapping fluids.

Or a frat party (or a sorority party).

I wonder if Planned Parenthood is co-owner, or provides "see you soon" coupons.

An article in the Chicago Tribune here: http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/opinion/ct-talk-huppke-hookup-20110321,0,7363178.story

Time for baseball season, don't you think?

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Real St. Patrick and a Green River

Apparently green rivers weren't what the Real St. Patrick in Ireland had in mind. It seems he was more sober than the cartoon Americans have made him into.

'Get Happy' - House musical performed by Hugh Laurie and Lisa Edelstein [HD]Rahm Emanuel is now Mayor Emanuel, the guy who pulled a Sarah Palin in Washington DC and left his job to chase another one (which is really the same as President Obama, who left Illinois a mess to chase the White House). Chicagoans had to choose whose rear-end they would kiss. With only screw-ups like Carol Mosely Braun on the ballot, the schmucks had no choice.

The new rage is the old rage, and that's the baby laughing while tearing paper video. Expect to get a good laugh in yourself.

The Chicago Code TV show. What do you think? Lots of cliches in there. Teresa Colvin (Jennifer Beals) reminds me as a clone of the Dr. Lisa Cuddy (Lisa Edelstein - see the free download: 'Get Happy' - House musical performed by Hugh Laurie and Lisa Edelstein [HD]) character on House. The trouble I have is I don't believe detective Jarek Wysocki (Jason Clarke) would be palsy-walsy with Colvin, or that Colvin would be in the streets so much. The writing does not impress me. I give it one season.

Friday, December 31, 2010

Carol Moseley Braun vs Marion Barry vs Betty Loren Maltese

I've been thinking a lot about Carol Moseley Braun's audacity to enter the Chicago mayoral race had me thinking about former Washington DC mayor Marion Barry and Former Cicero town president Betty Loren Maltese. Funny connection they all have.

Braun has, incidentally, never gone to prison, but I personally wouldn't trust her watching my hound dog.

Betty Loren Maltese: She received national attention for her role in an insurance scam which robbed the town of $12 million. (Wikipedia)
Marion Barry: His celebrity transformed into international notoriety in January 1990, when Barry was videotaped smoking crack cocaine and arrested by FBI officials on drug charges. (Wikipedia)

Carol Moseley Braun: Chicago Democrats survive their scandals by multiplying them, hoping the unbroken monotony of misdeeds will anesthetize the public. But Moseley-Braun may have overdone it even after some notable campaign finance excesses in 1992. (George Will)

Then again, Rahm Emanuel is running after qutting his post (just like Sarah Palin, only he was serving our nation, not a barely populated state), and everyone yawns.

Saturday, December 25, 2010

Merry Christmas, Fig Puddy, Santa's Gut, and An Amazing Foul Shot Stuck on the Rim

Christmas is, if nothing else, a time when people are culturally forced to be nice to each other. While this guy is a little crude about it, he gets it. Even the most bitter, angry, hateful people slow down a little. They might not see the full reality of Christmas, but halfway there is a start.

Me, I have, as most of you have, plans to have dinner with family. No work today, or tomorrow, but back Monday hawking and slinging everything I've got.

To the mystery visitor to this blog who donated to my cause, thank you. May God bless you, too.

I hate fig pudding. It sounds awful.

Getting a good hot bowl of a thick hearty soup is one way to watch out for the cold mornings.

So Merry Christmas. Be thankful, be warm, and don't get too cynical out there. It is Jesus Christ's birthday. Don't ruin it for Him.

The News
The Madoff Chronicles: Inside the Secret World of Bernie and RuthRonny Santo died. Sad. Always liked him. So did Madoff's kid. Can't say nothing nice about a guy I never knew. Santa has been declared a fatty.

Speaking on Ronny, or at least thinking of sports, did you see the Idaho State player's foul shot gets stuck on front rim? Amazing.

Search Amazon.com for Madoff

Monday, November 29, 2010

Running for Chicago (Why I Oughta)

I Am Running for Mayor of Chicago

I think this t-shirt is funny. Buy one and tell your friends.

They have them in mugs and so on. Join Carol Mosely Braun and other has-beens, wannabes and quitters.


Friday, November 26, 2010

Black Friday and Thanksgiving

Black Friday. I'm in the thick of it. Just because the weather's cold (29 as I type with brittle fingers), and half of America has a day, I'm here. Each newspaper equals income. There's no salary out here in the streets hawking papers.

Michigan Avenue is run over by tourists and executives, and suburban moms. The moms are kind, dropping a few coins into my tip jar even if they don't buy a paper. It is nice to see they understand how hard a life this is. Every dollar counts. Every dollar helps me make it another day, drinking another cup of coffee hoping tomorrow will be warmer, better. Someone even gave me $20.00 for a buck and half paper. Ma'am, I hope God smiles on you today. Thank you, who ever you are.

Sales are brisk, though they come in spurts. People grab a paper on the way in from the L and the Metra, sit down in a Starbucks and flip through looking for Black Friday sales.

Black Friday is here. Black Monday is coming.

Scotch, Cognac, Rum, Tequila, Single Malt, Vodka, Whiskey.

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